


Burglars in chimneys

by AinZaphir



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Christmas, Drinking, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28452282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AinZaphir/pseuds/AinZaphir
Summary: Garrus struggles to understand the point of Christmas, but tries to in order to make Shepard happy.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17
Collections: MEFFW Secret Santa Exchange 2020





	Burglars in chimneys

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dbz2010](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dbz2010/gifts).



> For Dbz2010

Garrus didn’t understand Christmas. From what he could gather, it was a human holiday which originated the humans celebrated the birth of a baby, Jeebus or something, by giving each other gifts. Weird custom, if they’d ask him, especially considering they months later, from what he could understand, crucified that same baby, only that the baby was somehow now an adult. This wasn’t the weirdest of human customs he’d ever encountered, but it was a bit weird for his taste. 

But Shepard loved it, so he went along with it all, thinking he’d figure it out. So he set out to do his research on the whole shebang, which started as what he thought would be a simple feat, only to be overwhelmed and winding up doing what he usually did when faced with a weird human custom he couldn’t understand-- he asked Joker about it. 

Joker was happy to help, it turned out. But Joker came with terrible news- apparently the customs could differ from continent to continent, not every human even celebrated Christmas, it turned out, and customs could vary from family to family. It was just typical that he’d wound up with one of the humans who actually celebrated this weird holiday, and not one who didn’t. Although he supposed it could be worse, and at least Shepard celebrated a custom of which he could do research, and not something he couldn’t research at least. 

Joker helpfully made him a list of things to do, and it seemed fairly straight forward- get some special type of food, get decorations, hang decorations, make food, get presents. Easy. Although Joker did, despite trying to be, prove not to be so helpful in this particular department. 

Despite suggestions of sexy undergarments and other things Garrus thought Joker had no business even thinking about Shepard, Garrus settled on a new sniper rifle and a bottle of whiskey. That would be fun, and she’d appreciate it more than underwear she couldn’t even fight in. But Christmas still seemed like a never-ending chain of chores rather than something to celebrate, in his opinion. Maybe this was the celebrating, human customs were weird after all. Because once he finished something, like shopping for gifts, it seemed like something else came about. “No, no, you can’t just  _ buy _ her a gift, you have to wrap it as well, and hide it so she doesn’t figure out what you got her” the nice lady who helped him pick out a rifle had said. 

Talons and thin useless paper did not match well, Garrus thought, as he embarked on what must have been the fifth attempt at making it look like the tutorial he’d found in the extranet.

But finally finished, he figured out he hadn’t even begun the seemingly never ending list of chores associated with this weird human holiday. After having fixed Shepard a gift, he thought he was done, but no. Then came the decorating. He didn’t really see the point in it-- the decorations had no defensive purpose, even though Shepard talked about some sort of weird burglar coming in from the chimney, but he did so nonetheless, and thought he did a terrific job until Shepard dragged a fucking tree in. Who does that, puts a tree in their living room? Shepard whose plants died faster than anyone else he knew, was going to have a tree in the house. 

“It’s okay, it’ll live for a few weeks then we throw it out.” She said, as if that was supposed for all of this to make any sense. Then came the preparations. Baking. Cleaning. Shopping. Defeating her clone. Well, that last thing he did understand. That made sense. But that wasn’t  _ very christmas-y  _ according to Shepard so it didn’t count. 

But he made do. He cleaned the floors, he baked some dextro-friendly cookies to make Shepard happy and shopped for more gifts. He hung up the decorations and reluctantly lifted Shepard up so she could place a star on top of her tree. He didn’t really understand exactly why Shepard did all of these things, but it seemed to make her happy, so he tried to enjoy his girlfriend's happiness with her, and just did as she told him to. Even if it made no sense, like hanging tiny bowls and lights on said tree, or placing glitter alongside it  _ to mimic snow.  _ Garrus just couldn’t help asking, but to his surprise it was not due to Christmas being celebrated outside either, so he gave up and kept spraying the tree. He just added this to the ever increasing list of things he couldn’t understand but went along with nonetheless.

He had given up on even understanding why they did all of this if some old burglar, or S _ anta _ as Shepard called him, was going to enter whilst they slept anyway. Apparently the human children would fend him off with cookies, which to Garrus sounded ridiculous. What merc would feel cookies an adequate replacement for valuables anyway? No. This made no sense, not to Garrus anyway. But it all seemed to make her happy so he went along.

The night before Christmas, Garrus came home to find Shepard indulged in yet another festive tradition, although this was one Garrus could get behind-- getting drunk. He thought to himself that this tradition was somehow to make them sleep so  _ Santa _ could rob them in peace. Maybe he was the one to invent all of these weird traditions so they would all be too stressed and drunk to question why they would have to do all of these weird tasks like decorating and cooking. Thoughts of how  _ he _ would secure the apartment from Santa quickly vanished as a slightly intoxicated Shepard offered him a glass of something yellow. 

“Dextro friendly eggnog” She slurred, apparently having had a few glasses of her own Levo version. It tasted horrid, but it looked important to her, so he had a glass. Then another. And then another. If nothing else, it was strong stuff, and she sure seemed more giddy than her usual drunk self, so he figured eggnog might not be so bad after all, if it finally relieved some of the tension she’d been carrying around for these past few years. At least his troubles about a burglar entering while he slept crept back to the back of his mind for a while, as with the rest of his worries about the state of the world.

It was bliss. Just talking with Shepard about everything except for the current state of the world, planning a party for the crew, what movies to watch the next day, and everything except the reapers. Before he knew it she had taken him by the hand, dragged him up the stairs and pushed him on the bed. The world seem to be spinning with them as they undressed each other, kissing every part of the other, just lost in their own little world. After what felt like hours, he lost himself to sleep, happy and content with her in his arms. 

Waking up with her, undisturbed, just the two of them was all he could have asked for. As he opened his eyes and saw her body, barely covered by their shared blanket, he knew this was what he wanted. Just her, just them, staying there. If he had to pick one moment to live in forever, this would be it for him. Perhaps sans hangover if he could pick, but he figured it would all be a part of “the human Christmas experience”. He dragged her towards him, feeling her against him, feeling himself content, even happy. She murmured something unintelligible and pressed herself even closer up against him, taking his arm and placing it on her lower stomach. As they continued touching each other, just feeling each other, he forgot all about the burglar that supposedly would have visited them sometime during the night. 


End file.
